Zoo Keeping: Week 5

We had quite the week in our abode academy. The range of emotions this month has been a gauntlet - April showers of joy, frustration, and confusion. The one constant - prioritizing physical activity. Keeping the kids and us parents moving has been critical to maintaining sanity. Also, it ensures that I won't have to go out and buy new shorts for the summer. Alas, with an emphasis on physical education, here is the week that was:

We leaped into the school week with Frog Monday. First off, the amount of frog material I had at my disposal was ludicrous - lily pads worth of amphibian resources. The only resource I needed for the frog race was the neighbor's hillside - thank you neighbor. My daughters and I hopped down the hill with no true finish line. My 3-year-old morphed from frog to woman and finished the activity on two feet. My 5-year-old did some sort of froggy Army crawl. Be all that you can be, frog.

Rhino Tuesday was a super charged event because it coupled with a Zoom ice cream party. Let me rewrite that sentence - Rhino Tuesday was a super charged event because it coupled with a Zoom ice cream party. Bonkers.

Do you know what else is bonkers? There is a white rhino and a black rhino and they are both gray. Thanks, scientists. I'm not certified in teaching or science, but who named these monstrous creatures? The biggest difference between a white and black rhino is the shape of their heads and what they eat. They are both herbivores yet they dine on different vegetation. Neither eats ice cream.

In order to earn our mint chocolate chip and moose tracks, I led "Rhino Yoga". We used our prayer hands to stretch out and eventually established our horns. Then, we did something you don't often see at a yoga class...we ran into each other. There is nothing quite like rolling out your mat and then pretending you are a rhinoceros in a violent power struggle.

I had a bowl of both mint chocolate chip and moose tracks.

My 5-year-old got to celebrate life with her exceptional Geneva Preschool teachers and her classmates. Her excitement leading up to the ice cream party and her focus during the event was truly powerful. Technology continues to give us opportunities to connect. Ice cream continues to bring joy and is scientifically proven to enhance education.

Flamingo Wednesday was a debacle. Our pupils were quarreling as if they were still rhinos. I, the professor, also was not in the state of mind to teach. The show must go on. We did Calypso the Flamingo yoga on Youtube courtesy of Cosmic Yoga. It absolutely helped ease the tension in the classroom. Lesson learned - exercise can help you get out of your rhino mood. Half the battle is simply making it to the mat.

Our final school day of the week was Turtle Thursday. We used exercise playing cards to get out of our shells. "Turtle Taps" was a lesson on how tapping different parts of the body is a way to calm our minds and reduce stress. Tapping, a technique used in acupuncture, creates a sensation that soothes. I thought about doing actual acupuncture but my wife decided that I should stick to what I know.

The other exercise was a yoga shape called "Turtle". The card read, "quiet, safe, inside". My 5-year-old did a terrific turtle. My Dad turtle card would have read, "loud, unsafe, inside". I imagined ending up at the hospital and having the following exchange:

Doctor: "What happened sir?"

Me: "I was doing a turtle yoga pose."

Doctor: "Are you the same guy who did rhino yoga on Tuesday?"

Johnstown, stay active. Leap like a frog. Power up like a rhino. Even on dark days, shine bright like a flamingo. And, when the stress is mounting, do some turtle taps.

And if you have not laughed yet in this blog, here is how a 3-year-old starts off a game of Guess Who?

Mom: "Ask your first question."

3-year-old: "Are you wearing pants?"

Namaste.

Zoo Keeping: Week 4

One month into home schooling, we have come to a crossroads. It snowed this week and a lunatic fox has been seen wandering our neighborhood. People are going crazy. Foxes are going crazy. Craziness abounds. 

Without further ado, here is a recap of Week 4 in our animal kingdom:

Tuesday kicked off with a giraffe and a giraffe has a powerful kick, capable of killing the king of the jungle if he tries to attack. "Field trips" were a part of each school day and we traveled to Tanzania to learn about giraffes and their African habitat. We also learned about how giraffes enter into this world. 

Over five years ago, I entered into the world of parenting. Everything was so new and the possibilities were endless. For new parents of 2020, I hope there is still that burst of endless possibility even if we are all under a canopy of uncertainty. And this is certain - a baby giraffe has a shocking entrance into the world - a mother giraffe gives birth standing up. The initial second of a giraffe's existence is around a 5-foot fall to life. 

Each and every giraffe does not hit the ground running. They just hit the ground. But, then they get up and they grow to become the tallest animal on Earth. In order to reach great heights, you got to build from the ground up. 

We learned about elk on Wednesday and traveled to the rugged landscape of Utah. My wife and I had scheduled our 7th anniversary trip to Utah this Spring. Our marriage has been full of adventures all over this great country. We won't make it to Utah in this season, but hope is not lost. Plans get changed. Adventures need rerouted. What is important - my adventure team is all healthy. Physically, I was not in Utah on Tuesday but never doubt the power of a childlike imagination. My oldest daughter and I made hunting rifles out of big sticks. We painted them and pretended we were elk hunters. We also vowed to shoot the lunatic fox if he showed his lunatic face. 

In my front yard I traveled to Utah with my 5-year-old.  Never let your imagination be in isolation. I learned that from my daughter as we fired front yard rifle shots. Note to reader - the fox is still at large.

On Thursday, we headed back across the Mississippi River to the Bluegrass State. I rode a horse one time and one time only and it was in Kentucky. I was with my wife. We did not have kids yet. My horse was Maverick, a true pistol. I recall him not liking puddles, making me extremely nervous that I was going to be launched into the Kentucky wilderness. Maverick would see puddles with his monstrous eyes and make these beastly bursts to dry land. It was a trail ride with a small group of strangers - other than my wife - and of course I was last in line on Maverick and his puddle phobia. 

Even though travel is on hold right now, I am grateful for trips down memory lane. I can close my eyes and see myself - with my eyes closed sitting on Maverick - holding on for dear life - praying for no more puddles. I am thankful for a life full of travel and to Maverick, my maniac mustang.

Friday concluded with penguins. We expeditioned to Anarctica. Now, more than ever, we are like penguins. We are huddled up at home waddling around. Penguins are remarkable birds simply for the fact that Antactica is their home. To survive, they make phenonemal treks and sacrifices, but to penguins this is no phenomenon - it is their way of life. Our way of life has been thrown upside down, but we are hanging in there - and there is something fun and phenomenal about it all.

We did penguin yoga where we did side stretches and worked on our waddles. We learned about emperor penguins and the humboldt penguin off the coast of Peru. From the beginning of the school week to the end, our family of four traveled all over the globe. We used the globe that we purchased from Riek's Country Store in Brownstown to illustrate how far we had traveled. Riek's, a mainstay in our community, helped us go to communities all over the world. Thanks Riek's and to all the small businesses that make Johnstown a great place to call home.

I'll end with an imaginary scene. The Emperor penguin, we shall call him Wolfe, of the emperor penguins had to walk out onto an arctic ice sheet and address his fellow penguins. He had to explain to them that effective today, their kind will be practicing 6-feet of social distance. His penguins, who were already waddling and yammering in a mile long huddle, continued to waddle and yammer in extremely close proximity. He then stated that everyone can still go fishing since it is life-sustaining; however, you need to wear a snorkel. The crowd continues to waddle and yammer.

Baby penguins had no idea what Emperor Wolfe was talking about. They started asking their parents if they could get their own microphones and if they could still slide across the ice on their bellies. Parents tried to stop this sidebar yammering, but the kids were not listening. Emperor Wolfe also said that a seal volunteered to deliver fish to the penguins if they did not want to travel to the water. He worked for the local ALDI and was described as "trustworthy". Kid penguins pointed out that seals eat penguins, but the parents were not listening. Emperor Wolfe asked if everyone could remain calm.

And as the sun was going down, all the penguins decided that it was best to start this social distancing. They all had their own opinions on the declaration yet for all penguinkind, they understood what needed to be done.

And because of their teamwork and communication, penguin life moved on. They all lived happily ever after in a "new normal" penguin society.

The End. The Beginning. One day at a time.

Zoo Keeping: Week 3

When I initiated the "Animal of the Day" education plan I knew my resources were robust. Our home is full of wildlife art and crafts. As I gathered materials and momentum, it was clear I had a colorful curriculum to produce "Bear Week". The Easter Bunny would be preceded by five glorious days of bears.

And as I colored, researched, and lesson planned, I found hope in bears - their survival; their will; their uniqueness. 

Sunday started with the polar bear. A baby polar bear is born into a world of bitter cold and ice. For over two years, a mother polar bear protects her young from freezing to death, starving, and from arctic wolves. On some of the harshest places on Earth, a mother's determination and instinct are what keep polar bears roaming and roaring. 

When social isolation began, our family of four started roaming and roaring, room-to-room. Instead of scanning endless miles of ice sheets and glaciers, we observed paths full of piles. We set out on laundry expeditions. We discovered that "working from home with a 5-year-old and 3-year-old" is a synonym for "not working". But, like polar bears, we adapted. We got fierce. To survive these elements we had the ultimate element - perseverance. Being together is not harsh. It is a blessing. Think like a polar bear mother. Never give in. Never give up. 

Monday was the black bear. Black bears are found all across the United States. We learned about the true story of "Miracle", a baby black bear saved by a wildlife rescue team in Arkansas. There was little hope when the 5-pound cub was found. Alone and sick, she would have died if someone did not try to help. Five months later, Miracle was 90 pounds and released back into the Arkansas wilderness. 

I am grateful for all those people trying to help right now. There will be more stories like Miracle's. Stories about doctors and nurses and first responders and volunteers who helped those in need.  Like black bears, those stories will be scattered across the country. I am not sure when we will be released as a society, but for today, a sincere thank you to every medical professional on the planet. 

Tuesday was the grizzly bear. Grizzly bears stand on the river's edge and patiently wait for salmon to make their silly upstream swim. Each salmon needs to get airborne in order to find passage. Grizzlies know this. To watch this Mother Nature event - in slow-motion on YouTube - you appreciate the patience. Grizzly bears fail most of the time when salmon fishing, but they stay still. They stay calm. They are disciplined. 

Distancing is frustrating. Feeling stuck is physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually draining. You feel like you are never going to sink your teeth into that salmon...but you stay on the river's edge. It's uneasy not knowing how long this is going to take. And sometimes doing very little requires the most energy. Think like a grizzly bear. Be patient. Your time will come. 

Wednesday was the sun bear. The sun bear is the smallest bear on Earth. It climbs great heights in the rain forests of China and India. The sun bear is rare and rarely seen. Its distinctive golden chest resembles the biggest star in our sky. 

While there is a general gloom in our world right now, the sun still shines. My girls and I have been climbing trees and running in the yard like a bunch of damn sun bears. You rarely see a grown man down on all fours dashing down a hill. We are not climbing great heights yet we are finding greatness in the little things.

Thursday finished with the giant panda and the koala bear, a comedic combo to culiminate Bear Week. 99% of a giant panda's diet is bamboo, which leads to almost constant pooping. While we, as humanity, are feeling sorry for ourselves, just know that a giant panda woke up today prepared for a terribly unnutritious regimine of bamboo eating and vigorous pooping. Meanwhile, the koala bear has never really even woken up. It sleeps up to 22 hours a day. And, it is not even a bear - it is a marsupial. Talk about an identity crisis.

We watched the movie Sing to bring Bear Week all together. A koala named Buster Moon says it best, "Don't let fear stop you from doing the things you love!"

Have a Happy Easter, Johnstown. Draw inspiration from bears and marsupials. Live differently yet love the same. Make the most out of this social hiberation.

Giant pandas even poop while napping.

Zoo Keeping: Week 2

Marching into April, my wife and I continue to try to provide Maslow's hiearchy of needs to our children while engaging in psychological warfare. Week 2 of home education provided the following academic and zoological kabooms.

A chameleon's tongue mimics the action of a bow and arrow. This color changing reptile is an expert tree hunter using its launching tongue as a weapon, surprise attacking bugs. The smallest chameleon is so tiny it can sit on the head of a match and is called the leaf chameleon. Leaf chameleons are also pyromaniacs. 

The king cobra snake will eat a mongoose. A mongoose will eat a king cobra. They are both predator and prey to each other. My girls and I watched a Youtube showdown of this nature combat. With sports being indefinitely postponed, it was nice to watch some competition. I will not reveal who won. Our family won, that's for sure. 

The blue whale is ridiculously big. A newborn blue whale average 3 tons and can stretch up to 25 feet long. Imagine the size of the epidural that whale doctors have to use during pregnancy. I almost passed out when I was introduced to the epidural hours before my first daughter was born. Keyword - almost. 

My firstborn was 7 pounds even. That is 5,993 pounds less than your average baby blue whale. 

On our school day that concentrated on wolves, we all took turns on our balcony howling. There is nothing like a wolf howl into the sunshine. Typically, wolves howl at the moon but these days are far from typical. So, we howled at the biggest star in the sky. We may have alarmed a few neighbors, but they will get over it. Social distance howls are recommended by Dr. Mother Nature. 

Friday concluded with a zany lesson on snails and slugs. We made slugbots (slugs morphed into robots) and had a TV show called "Snailed It" where we made snails out of Playdough. All sorts of animals try to eat banana slugs, probably because they are full of potassium. We watched a Youtube video where a snake and a raccoon each take a shot at a banana slug lunch. One succeeds. One does not. Sticky suspense. 

Each day is a blessing. Fill it with learning and laughter. To conclude Friday school, my 3-year-old stated, "We are real teamagers."

God help us all.

Next week - BEAR week!