Saturday, November 24, 2018
Turkey Top 10
Thanksgiving is not a day, it's a season. Tis the Top 10 of Turkey Time:
10. Party like a Pilgrim
Our Thanksgiving began on Tuesday when we had turkey dinner at my 3-year-old's school. Geneva House was our Plymouth Rock. The children sang a song and everyone was filled with joy. Then, we filled our tummies. Then, the children ran around the room like turkeys with their heads cut off.
I imagine the first Thanksgiving was much like this scene. Young pilgrims, hopped up on the first feast, started throwing acorns at each other. The parents did little to calm their young pilgrims as they were busy eating pumpkin roll.
At one point, I looked inside my daughter's headgear, that of a Native American, and I read the words, "Love, Brian". She had left it on our Thanksgiving table. Astonished, I approached the educators. Who is this Brian? Allegedly, the 4-year-olds assisted in the fashioning of the head pieces, gifting them to the 3-year-olds. Well, well, well...
"Watch your pilgrim hands, Brian. Watch em."
9. Thanksgiving Eve
We had a small gathering at our house in preparation for Thursday. Thanksgiving artwork completed by yours truly and my 3-year-old was on display. It was an autumn art gallery for the ages and for all ages.
8. Squirrel Chase
On Thanksgiving morning, our tribe visited my aunt and uncle. At one point, my uncle exited his home with no announcement. Then, we saw him sprinting into the street. His mission - scare the squirrels away from the bird feeder. In the civilized world, you are allowed to protect your bird feed from squirrel scoundrels; however, if you are simply chasing squirrels, that's psychotic. The bird feeder keeps you out of the asylum. "Oh dear, Ed's in our yard chasing squirrels...Oh wait, he has a bird feeder, that makes sense."
7. Shout for Sprouts
I know I'm getting older when I have to put brussel sprouts in my Top 10 list. The usual vegetable suspects were present at Thanksgiving dinner, but a brussel sprout dish stole the holiday. My wife's cousin made a sprout spectacular. I don't usual swear in blogs, but those were damn good sprouts.
6. Deer Chase
On Thanksgiving evening, my wife and I were leaving the house and 5 doe were in our neighbor's yard. I instinctly decided to chase them out and drive them up the hill. My mission was to push them toward Stackhouse Park and make my wife laugh watching such antics. I fired off the porch and the startled deer stormed the street. The last of the Mohicans hit a patch of ice and baseball slid into the curb. In this moment, I froze in horror. Standing like a deer in headlights, I was mortified. This doe, probably a mother, painfully ate curb. My wife immediately announced "broken ribs" as if she practiced veterninary medicine. The deer stumbled to her hooves and embarrsingly darted up the hillside. I had to ponder whether my stunt was worth it or if the deer would die of internal bleeding. Alas, I did my job. Deer got up the hill. My wife got a good laugh - not from my sprint, but from how mortified I stood in the middle of the street.
Moral of the story, I would be a terrible hunter.
5. Chimp Chase
Later than night, my father-in-law and I watched a nature documentary about chimpanzees. At the same time in the same house, my daughters ripped off their shirts and made primal noises. It was a documentary within a documentary.
4. Oh Christmas Tree
The Friday after Thanksgiving is reserved for putting up the Christmas tree. My 3-year-old loves it. My wife loves that she loves it. I'm fine with leading the exercise. Who really knows what my 1-year-old loves. I think she thinks its fine. The best exchange this year:
Daughter: "Dad, here is the cucumber"
Dad: "That's a pickle"
Daughter: "No, it's a cucumber"
Every year we put a cucumber ornament on the Christmas tree.
3. Oh High School
I attended my wife's 15 year high school reunion on Friday night. I played the role of supportive husband and enemy - this was a Bishop McCort reunion and I had a Westmont Hilltop diploma. I was immediately judged. "Haha, Westy pride and power", Crushers said in unision. A couple of kids even tried to kick me, but I'm elusive.
None of that really happened. It was a good time. I'm so glad high school is over.
2. Rise and Fall
At 7:15 AM on Saturday, 8 men played basketball. You know you are getting older when you schedule to play basketball at 7:15 AM on a Saturday. Years ago, this would have been a preposterous concept for this group of athletes. But in 2018, it was perfect. After the game, we all ate brussel sprouts.
When I got home around 9 AM, I slipped on the ice and fell Looney Tunes style on the sidewalk. This completed the soreness process.
1. The Big Finish
After basketball and my elbow drop on the ice, we invited over a bunch of friends. All of them were parents. All of them brought their children. Inside our house, there were 12 children between the ages of 3 months and 5 years old. The best way to describe it is think Squirrel Chase meets Deer Chase meets Chimp Chase and all the parents are drinking coffee.
Thanksgiving is not a day, it's a season.
And, that's not a cucumber, it's a pickle!
Sunday, November 18, 2018
Movie Review: The Grinch
Historically, I do not like the idea of Christmas cheer before Thanksgiving, but sometimes you have to bundle up and head to Whoville in November with your 3-year-old. Please enjoy this Dad review from our screening @ Westwood Plaza and Theatre.
Before entering the theatre, I take an obligatory photo of my daughter and The Grinch movie poster. Happy child poses with miserable green creature.
We order our food and our reward was a magical candle. This candle symbolizes that our grub is on the way. This Westwood Plaza tradition dates back to the 17th century.
My 3-year-old creature knocks over the candle. Shards of glass mix with fallen popcorn. I describe the tragedy to a teenage worker. He points me toward the janitorial corner. I emerge with a dust pan and industrial broom. I emerge a hero. The previews have not started.
My cousin and her 2nd grade daughter arrive. We share a row. I've made this point before, but it's worth repeating - when taking kids to a movie theatre, you need 2 seats per person. So, on this evening, we had 8 seats to choose from.
During the previews, the 2nd grader drops her popcorn somewhere between seats 2-4. There is no way I can approach the teenage worker and deliver another mishap story. I refuse to go back into the janitoral corner. My cousin escapes to get more popcorn. The majesty of bottomless popcorn.
The Grinch finally arrives. It feels like we have been in popcorn row for an hour. One of my first questions is how did The Grinch become a dog owner? They must not do background checks in Whoville. I also imagine that The Grinch is one of those people who says, "Having a dog is like having a kid". That's pure nonsense. Having a kid is like having 101 Dalmatians.
The Grinch proves to be committed to physical fitness. His electric pink workout clothes spark my daughter's attention and my memory. I have only bought my daughter one outfit. It was a pink and purple Nike workout suit. I bought it for her months before she was born. It was a 2T. I had no idea what "2T" meant when I bought it. Thank you, Macy's. The "T" in "2T" stands for Terrific.
There is a screaming goat in The Grinch. This alpine animal is not important in the plot, but the Illumination brain trust made the right call. "Kids will love a screaming goat. Find a way to get the screaming goat into the script. Move aside, Benedict Cumberbatch"
My daughter loves music so she was pleasantly surprised by The Grinch as a piano player. I will not call him a pianist. I will not call him a pianist because children will easily misinterpet pianist. Amazingly, my 3-year-old did not have to go potty during the movie. Winner, winner, popcorn dinner!
Have a Happy Thanksgiving, Johnstown. Take care of your kids and dogs and any other creatures in your humble abode.
We order our food and our reward was a magical candle. This candle symbolizes that our grub is on the way. This Westwood Plaza tradition dates back to the 17th century.
My 3-year-old creature knocks over the candle. Shards of glass mix with fallen popcorn. I describe the tragedy to a teenage worker. He points me toward the janitorial corner. I emerge with a dust pan and industrial broom. I emerge a hero. The previews have not started.
My cousin and her 2nd grade daughter arrive. We share a row. I've made this point before, but it's worth repeating - when taking kids to a movie theatre, you need 2 seats per person. So, on this evening, we had 8 seats to choose from.
During the previews, the 2nd grader drops her popcorn somewhere between seats 2-4. There is no way I can approach the teenage worker and deliver another mishap story. I refuse to go back into the janitoral corner. My cousin escapes to get more popcorn. The majesty of bottomless popcorn.
The Grinch finally arrives. It feels like we have been in popcorn row for an hour. One of my first questions is how did The Grinch become a dog owner? They must not do background checks in Whoville. I also imagine that The Grinch is one of those people who says, "Having a dog is like having a kid". That's pure nonsense. Having a kid is like having 101 Dalmatians.
The Grinch proves to be committed to physical fitness. His electric pink workout clothes spark my daughter's attention and my memory. I have only bought my daughter one outfit. It was a pink and purple Nike workout suit. I bought it for her months before she was born. It was a 2T. I had no idea what "2T" meant when I bought it. Thank you, Macy's. The "T" in "2T" stands for Terrific.
There is a screaming goat in The Grinch. This alpine animal is not important in the plot, but the Illumination brain trust made the right call. "Kids will love a screaming goat. Find a way to get the screaming goat into the script. Move aside, Benedict Cumberbatch"
My daughter loves music so she was pleasantly surprised by The Grinch as a piano player. I will not call him a pianist. I will not call him a pianist because children will easily misinterpet pianist. Amazingly, my 3-year-old did not have to go potty during the movie. Winner, winner, popcorn dinner!
Have a Happy Thanksgiving, Johnstown. Take care of your kids and dogs and any other creatures in your humble abode.
Thursday, November 8, 2018
Forever Running
As long as I can remember, I've been running. Once I learned how to get on my feet, the overall impression was that I liked to keep a steady pace. I gravitated toward sports, jailbreak, and getting enough speed to jump over the bushes. From grade school to high school to college, I kept running. I was no longer jumping over bushes, but there always seemed to be a hurdle I was determined to get over.
Gavin Gladding was a runner too. On September 16th of this year, he laced up for the last time. I learned about his final run on the morning of November 3rd as I laced up for my final road race of 2018. Morley's Run has been my 5-mile autumn challenge for the past seven Novembers.
Standing in the cold before the race, I got an extra chill learning about Gavin; learning that runs across the country, including Morley's, would be dedicated in his memory. He was a victim of a hit-and-run. He left behind two kids and a wife. After a moment of silence, the Morley's herd took off.
Like on most runs I go on, my mind swirled with thoughts. Often, my brain seems to race harder than my feet. Attacking the final mile, I saw a dedication sign for Gavin. It was time to pick up the pace. There at the finish line were my two kids and wife. I could hear them cheering for me before I could see them. They will never know how much I appreciate those cheers.
In the days after the race, I've thought about Gavin a lot. I never met him, but I think we would have enjoyed each other's company. Reading about his life - being a running Dad; having a passion for helping kids; being a champion of the great outdoors - I saw ... I see much of myself in him. His obituary states "Gavin believed in experiential learning, for his own children, his students, and for himself." That's a defining sentence that this writer absolutely believes.
When I started this blog a little over 2 years ago, I was not sure what it would become. Like runs, each writing is different; each with its own unique adrenaline pump; each and every one, all 88 of them, read by my wife before reaching others. She is my editor and best friend. She loathes running, but loves my writing. I once convinced her to run a 5K with me. We have not ran together since, but I'll never forget her crossing that finish line.
I look forward to the runs ahead and chasing after my daughters with my wife - that's a true marathon. As the miles, blogs, and years add up, I hope to live out Gavin's belief; to learn through experience. Across the country, his life was celebrated this running season. In the races ahead, I'll try to keep his memory on my mind, but who knows where my feet will take my brain.
Experience your community. Be a good neighbor. Hug your wife and kids (even if you are sweaty at the finish line). Remember Gavin.
Gavin Gladding was a runner too. On September 16th of this year, he laced up for the last time. I learned about his final run on the morning of November 3rd as I laced up for my final road race of 2018. Morley's Run has been my 5-mile autumn challenge for the past seven Novembers.
Standing in the cold before the race, I got an extra chill learning about Gavin; learning that runs across the country, including Morley's, would be dedicated in his memory. He was a victim of a hit-and-run. He left behind two kids and a wife. After a moment of silence, the Morley's herd took off.
Like on most runs I go on, my mind swirled with thoughts. Often, my brain seems to race harder than my feet. Attacking the final mile, I saw a dedication sign for Gavin. It was time to pick up the pace. There at the finish line were my two kids and wife. I could hear them cheering for me before I could see them. They will never know how much I appreciate those cheers.
In the days after the race, I've thought about Gavin a lot. I never met him, but I think we would have enjoyed each other's company. Reading about his life - being a running Dad; having a passion for helping kids; being a champion of the great outdoors - I saw ... I see much of myself in him. His obituary states "Gavin believed in experiential learning, for his own children, his students, and for himself." That's a defining sentence that this writer absolutely believes.
When I started this blog a little over 2 years ago, I was not sure what it would become. Like runs, each writing is different; each with its own unique adrenaline pump; each and every one, all 88 of them, read by my wife before reaching others. She is my editor and best friend. She loathes running, but loves my writing. I once convinced her to run a 5K with me. We have not ran together since, but I'll never forget her crossing that finish line.
I look forward to the runs ahead and chasing after my daughters with my wife - that's a true marathon. As the miles, blogs, and years add up, I hope to live out Gavin's belief; to learn through experience. Across the country, his life was celebrated this running season. In the races ahead, I'll try to keep his memory on my mind, but who knows where my feet will take my brain.
Experience your community. Be a good neighbor. Hug your wife and kids (even if you are sweaty at the finish line). Remember Gavin.
Thursday, November 1, 2018
Halloween Top 10
With 2 kids, a loving wife, and a day off work, I could have created a Halloween Top 50 list; however, my kids would be neglected, my wife would not be feeling the love, and I'd be typing until Thanksgiving. So, here it is...my family will be in their Haloween costume character for the entire blog:
Dad - Shark
Mom - Swan
3-year-old - SuperWoman
1-year-old - Piglet
#10: "Why is everyone calling me THAT?"
After a full day of being called "Super Girl", SuperWoman had enough. Under the light of the moon on the stoop of a stranger, SuperWoman loudly asked this question. Outraged, she took her candy. Shark politely explained to the homeowners that his SuperWoman was not an egomaniac and quite simply dedicated to fighting crime.
#9: Shark Attack
With Swan behind the wheel, Shark saw a friend getting ready for Trick-or-Treat. We stopped the Subaru and Shark got out of the car in excitement. Shark exclaimed the whole family would be stopping by soon. Stepping back into the Outback, Shark awkwardly shut the door on his fin, located on the human skull. Shark did not realize he did this at first. Shark felt resistance putting on his seat belt. Swan laughed. Shark is an idiot.
#8: Piglet's Power Trip
During lunch at the Boulevard Grill, Piglet had a pre-nap mental breakdown. As Swan gave child psychology a whirl, Shark stared at a muted ESPN. The Green Bay Packers traded safety Ha Ha Clinton Dix. "If you don't calm down, you are going to be traded like Ha Ha Clinton Dix", Shark to Piglet (did not say, but should have).
#7 The Nap
It should be #1, but once we got home from lunch, the Halloween snooze was the treat of all treats. Shark, Swan, SuperWoman, and Piglet all got Zs at the same time. When Shark and SuperWoman awoke they did the obvious - drank a Yoo-hoo. Rich in calcium and Vitamin D, Yoo-hoo is a healthy alternative on Halloween.
#6 The Great Pumpkin Paint
Closing in on 70 degrees, our family gathered in the front yard to paint a white pumpkin. Piglet preferred to paint the sidewalk and had to be instructed to not paint the house. SuperWoman required no instruction and used an exorbitant amount of paint. Shark and Swan wandered the grounds looking for things to pick up.
#5 Fruit Island
Shark sends a desperate mid-Trick-or-Treat text to his parents. The message - prepare a fruit platter or we are never going to survive. In a race against time, strawberries, apples, and bananas provided a jolt of juiciness.
#4 Hundred Acre Wood
Upon arriving at a friend's abode, Piglet meets up with a 1-month-old Winnie the Pooh and a canine disguised as a donkey, a donkey named Eeyore. All three - pig, bear, and donkey - look somewhat uncomfortable, yet satisfied. SuperWoman runs through the grass disinterested in childish affairs.
#3 Snack Time
Shark, Swan, and Piglet get to experience Geneva Preschool along with other parents and offspring. Shark volunteers to pass out cupcakes, one of the greatest culinary creations. There is also a veggie tray during the snack time extravaganza. While Shark got to pass out cupcakes and see the joy in the eyes of children, someone else had to ask if anyone wanted cauliflower.
#2 The Spider Walk
After snack time, each preschooler had the opportunity to walk across a wooden beam. To the left and right, cobwebs, spiders, and certain death. The hallway was tight and full of family members. Shark held on to Piglet. Swan held on to memories. SuperWoman placed her feet on the beam. Her cape began to rise and then suddenly...she was gone. She flew out of the preschool to fight crime. We are so proud of her.
#1 Support the Troops
Maybe Swan's best idea ever - a wealth of our Trick-or-Treat candy is going overseas. SuperWoman and Piglet were not consulted on this decision. The Kit-Kats are headed to Kuwait! Years from now, SuperWoman and Piglet can read this blog and question Swan on why she decided to send their candy out of the country. "Girls, did you see that Ha Ha Clinton Dix retired?", Shark.
Dad - Shark
Mom - Swan
3-year-old - SuperWoman
1-year-old - Piglet
#10: "Why is everyone calling me THAT?"
After a full day of being called "Super Girl", SuperWoman had enough. Under the light of the moon on the stoop of a stranger, SuperWoman loudly asked this question. Outraged, she took her candy. Shark politely explained to the homeowners that his SuperWoman was not an egomaniac and quite simply dedicated to fighting crime.
#9: Shark Attack
With Swan behind the wheel, Shark saw a friend getting ready for Trick-or-Treat. We stopped the Subaru and Shark got out of the car in excitement. Shark exclaimed the whole family would be stopping by soon. Stepping back into the Outback, Shark awkwardly shut the door on his fin, located on the human skull. Shark did not realize he did this at first. Shark felt resistance putting on his seat belt. Swan laughed. Shark is an idiot.
#8: Piglet's Power Trip
During lunch at the Boulevard Grill, Piglet had a pre-nap mental breakdown. As Swan gave child psychology a whirl, Shark stared at a muted ESPN. The Green Bay Packers traded safety Ha Ha Clinton Dix. "If you don't calm down, you are going to be traded like Ha Ha Clinton Dix", Shark to Piglet (did not say, but should have).
#7 The Nap
It should be #1, but once we got home from lunch, the Halloween snooze was the treat of all treats. Shark, Swan, SuperWoman, and Piglet all got Zs at the same time. When Shark and SuperWoman awoke they did the obvious - drank a Yoo-hoo. Rich in calcium and Vitamin D, Yoo-hoo is a healthy alternative on Halloween.
#6 The Great Pumpkin Paint
Closing in on 70 degrees, our family gathered in the front yard to paint a white pumpkin. Piglet preferred to paint the sidewalk and had to be instructed to not paint the house. SuperWoman required no instruction and used an exorbitant amount of paint. Shark and Swan wandered the grounds looking for things to pick up.
#5 Fruit Island
Shark sends a desperate mid-Trick-or-Treat text to his parents. The message - prepare a fruit platter or we are never going to survive. In a race against time, strawberries, apples, and bananas provided a jolt of juiciness.
#4 Hundred Acre Wood
Upon arriving at a friend's abode, Piglet meets up with a 1-month-old Winnie the Pooh and a canine disguised as a donkey, a donkey named Eeyore. All three - pig, bear, and donkey - look somewhat uncomfortable, yet satisfied. SuperWoman runs through the grass disinterested in childish affairs.
#3 Snack Time
Shark, Swan, and Piglet get to experience Geneva Preschool along with other parents and offspring. Shark volunteers to pass out cupcakes, one of the greatest culinary creations. There is also a veggie tray during the snack time extravaganza. While Shark got to pass out cupcakes and see the joy in the eyes of children, someone else had to ask if anyone wanted cauliflower.
#2 The Spider Walk
After snack time, each preschooler had the opportunity to walk across a wooden beam. To the left and right, cobwebs, spiders, and certain death. The hallway was tight and full of family members. Shark held on to Piglet. Swan held on to memories. SuperWoman placed her feet on the beam. Her cape began to rise and then suddenly...she was gone. She flew out of the preschool to fight crime. We are so proud of her.
#1 Support the Troops
Maybe Swan's best idea ever - a wealth of our Trick-or-Treat candy is going overseas. SuperWoman and Piglet were not consulted on this decision. The Kit-Kats are headed to Kuwait! Years from now, SuperWoman and Piglet can read this blog and question Swan on why she decided to send their candy out of the country. "Girls, did you see that Ha Ha Clinton Dix retired?", Shark.
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