The midsummer parent is unique to the season. Here is my Top 10 on the trials and tribulations of raising young in the heat of it all:
#10: Roomtime
Once the school year is over, the concept of bedtime evolves from a structured sequence of events to watching America's Got Talent until everyone falls asleep on the couch. At some point, the midsummer parent declares "It is time to go to your room." Our daughters share slumber chambers, so they can travel together. We are not even suggesting that you need to go to bed. We just want you both in one geographic location that gives you the luxury of a bed if you choose to lay upon it. And it cannot be our bedroom because it is ours. Enjoy the Central Air and we will see you at sunrise.
#9: Water Cleansing
The midsummer parent can justify why a shower is not needed today. You swam all day? That will work. You ran through the sprinkler? Refreshed by me. You watered the flowers and your feet at the same time? That will do. It is 9:43 PM? Roomtime.
#8: Pizza
My wife found an Internet proverb that surmised that children once believed Friday pizza nights were because their parents wanted to have a fun tradition. The children now realize it was because their parents were tired. And in midsummer, Fridays seem to happen more often. Like on Tuesdays.
And Thursdays.
And definitely Saturdays.
And Mondays if anyone is open.
#7: Sunscreen Scavenger Hunt
In our family, SPF 55 is everywhere - under the sink, on the kitchen floor, maybe behind a shrub in the front yard. Sometimes we like to have a bottle marinate in the Subaru. Nothing like applying magma hot SPF 55 on a midsummer day. I know it looks like a heavy coat of white paint, but it will wash off in the pool. We will ask you, "Did you put on more sunscreen? every hour until the sun goes down. The midsummer parent usually takes responsibility for the first coat and then it is up to someone else.
"Can someone get my back?!?!?" (everyone in the family)
#6: Coffee
A midsummer parent sometimes thinks or says aloud, "It is too damn hot for coffee." And about 8 seconds later, he or she takes that first glorious morning sip. Sure, it is humid and you are sweating, but you deserve this moment. My wife recently asked me if I wanted Island Coconut K-Cups on Amazon, or maybe it was from the Amazon... The only issue was that they only come in a bulky 96 count.
I asked what the issue was.
All 96 were delivered by the next day...
By canoe.
#5: Lemonade
It is important that a midsummer parent provide nourishment to growing kids. Lemonade falls under fruit and is directly under the pizza peak of the pyramid.
#4: Passport
A midsummer parent gets invited to a wedding in Canada. He strategizes how to pull this off from childcare logistics to travel itinerary to ensuring he meets Covid standards to acquiring Canadian money. He and his wife devise a bulletproof plan, a majestic midsummer getaway.
The man's passport is expired. He now watches Youtube videos on how to achieve passport renewal in an urgent situation. It is 5:45 AM, 82 degrees, and the Island Coconut tastes less tropical.
Dad is an idiot.
#3: Coin Counting
A midsummer parent might start cashing in coins. There was a coin shortage at one point, everything is expensive, and children can learn that every penny counts. Some Dads separate all the pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters, and the "what the hell is this?!?" currency. They show their kids how you have to package coins into tightly wrapped cylinders and then be proud of your work.
Then, Mom calls the bank and they have a machine that you just dump all the change into and get cold hard cash.
Dad is an idiot.
And is sweating.
#2: Flip Flop Minefield
Midsummer is the height of flip flop treachery. They are everywhere, being tripped upon on a daily basis. Most midsummer parents who trip on a poorly placed flip-flop either kick it, don't even realize they just tripped, or protect their coffee. Missing flip flop reports go out on a weekly basis. A lost yellow flip-flop could be found in the car after 72 hours of no one really caring. Sock laundry numbers are way down. The closest thing to a shoe is a Croc and that's an acceptable alternative for almost anything - scootering, playground play, climbing a mountain.
#1: Midsummer Memories
The midsummer parent is young at heart. He or she understands the thrill of summer does not last forever. Soak it in and reapply. Sunrise to sunset, a blessed time to be a parent.
"IT IS TIME TO GO TO YOUR ROOM!" (scary screaming midsummer parent)
