Autumn Academics

On the final weekend of this September, and the first weekend of autumn, I drove my family to Plymouth, Massachusetts and back. I, the Clark Griswold of the bunch, did my best to drive safe and learn valuable lessons along the way. Here is my Top 10 lampoon:

10. The back of the bus can be beautiful.

We were not driving to Plymouth to see the rock (incredibly underwhelming). My wife's college roommate was getting married. My wife was a bridesmaid. My daughters were the flower girls. I was Clark Griswold. I was behind the wheel for the entire New England odyssey except for when we rode a school bus to the ceremony.

My daughters headed straight to the back of the bus. There is a country song that goes "there is a lot about life you learn on the bus, how to lie, how to fight, how to kiss, how to cuss". In my recollection, the back of the bus was indeed some sort of bandit cove, where villians and mongrels gathered.

On a sunny Saturday in 2019, I watched two little girls in white dresses stare out the window, side-by-side in angelic harmony. There was no lying, fighting, kissing, or cussing. My 2-year-old was fascinated with the emergency exit for a short period, believing it was some sort of magical lever to a parallel universe. I calmly told her to stop or we would ruin the wedding by falling out into traffic.

9. When in doubt, go see Dr. Seuss.

At the Mystic Aquarium in Connecticut, there is a Seuss quote that reads, "Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better, it's not". 

No pressure, Doctor. We spent a full morning adventuring through the aquarium, getting eye-to-eye with turtles, octopus, and a rainbow of fish. My favorite encounter was with a giant Japanese spider crab. Claw to claw, this aquatic monster can grow up to 13 feet. Yikes.

I encountered the spider crab in the Men's bathroom.

Just kidding.

8. Don't eat the blue lobster.

There was a blue lobster at the aquarium. He was not clinically depressed. He was actually and stunningly blue. The blue lobster caretaker gave us a lot of factoids about the blue lobster, including that you are to not eat the blue lobster.

I think she told us this because my daughters were circling the crustacean's waterway like piranhas. "Sir, can you tell your children to back up. I think they are hungry."

7. If you are depressed, jump on a jumping pillow.

We spent one night at the Mystic KOA in a superb and cozy cabin. When we got out of our Subaru, I led my family to the jumping pillow. We could have spent an eternity on this bouncy innovation. Under the Constitution State sun, our family of 4 bounced up into the heavens like carefree kangaroos.

6. The lobster roll is a winner.

In Plymouth, I ate my first lobster roll. I've consumed lobster before, but never the roll version of the crustacean. When I asked the server for a "blue lobster roll", I was looked upon like some seaside scavenger, a bumbling barbarian from Pennsylvania.

In all seriousness, my lobster roll was red. Red like love. And it was delicious.

5. Nothing beats continential breakfast.

What genius declared breakfast continental? In Plymouth, we had 3 mornings of around-the-world-most-important-meal-of-the-day grub. When you take small children to a continental breakfast, there is so much less anxiety. You don't have to worry about ordering. You don't have to wait. You just take one bite out of a muffin and move on. Dabble in Fruit Loops. Combine juices. Melt hearts by simply being a family of 4 trying to survive a continental breakfast.

4.  I don't care.

During the wedding reception, my wife and I were the only people with kids. Our flower girls were the only girls. As the dance floor caught fire, the band Icona Pop blazed a trail of glory with their song "I Love It". The refrain, "I don't care, I love it, I don't care" echoed in the Massachusetts wilderness. The actual band Icona Pop was not present. DJ T-REX was behind the tunes.

When you are dancing with your family to DJ T-REX and Icona Pop, you have climbed the Clark Griswold mountain and planted a fatherhood flag on the summit.

3. I care.

This actually has nothing to do with my family's most recent trip, but it is worth commentary. Once when my 4-year-old got her finger smashed in a door, I did not emotionally react. One, I did not think the injury was life-threatening. Two, I was poised. When I got her in the car, and she was presumably emotionally stable, she uttered the following:

"Dad, you know how Mom like cares when we get hurt?  You don't care. You like don't care."

And it is times like these when I think of a thirteen foot Japanese spider crab dragging me out into the open ocean.

2. Home is sweet.

We left Plymouth at 7:30 A.M. on the final day of September. We got back to Johnstown around 8:30 P.M. that night. A lot happened in between. God delivered fog and rain to make the final hour a real doozy. In the end, we safely entered into our humble abode. We dreaded laundry. We yearned for continental breakfast. We were exhausted.

Our daughters were eye-pierced excited.

1. Alas, October.

The 10th month of the year is one of my favorites. The autumn air rolls in as the summer sun says goodbye; however, I did do a slip-in-slide on 10/3/19 in Johnstown. It was 80+ degrees and I let the good times flow.

I can only hope October is as good as this September. I love to travel. I love my home.

Be good to your neighbor and family this fall. Treat every day as if it were a blue lobster - rare, awesome, and bright.