Graduation Day

We decided that May 1st would be the Animal of the Day School Graduation Ceremony. Well, I decided that. I have never experienced anything like the past month and a half.

On Saint Patrick's Day, my youngest daughter turned 3. We had a small gathering at our house to celebrate her contributions to the world and to Ireland. Then, s*** got weird. First, profanity and a pandemic go together. I didn't even know what the word pandemic meant until 2020. And I know now that it is scientifically proven that parental profanity quadruples in a pandemic. During a recent rivalry with my wife while watching Jeopardy, I was swearing like the Navy's worst sailor. My kids were present. I was locked into Trebek while my wife was steamrolling me in Double Jeopardy.

Here are some of the other lessons learned.

#1: An adventurous heart cannot distance.

On Monday we learned about squirrels. My 5-year-old and I took our binoculars onto the Brownstown streets to find acorn fanatics. My youngest daughter was invited but she declined in an unappreciated hostile tone. Her rebellion was countered by the elder sister's gusto. Her blonde hair was flowing in the wind. She was instantly captivated by the promise of finding a squirrel.

This simple mission - find a squirrel - was a result of having to simplify. I will cherish those fifteen minutes for all my days. We weren't looking for an endangered species. We weren't doing anything historic. But, we were doing it together. This sudden change in daily living has made me appreciate the little things. The little things are huge.

We found a chipmunk, a member of the squirrel family. I've found so much more over the past six weeks. Thanks, daughters. You are my adventure.

#2: We all have garbage.

Tuesday was Raccoon Day. These bandits are much more than garbage thieves. Known as nocturnal foragers, they do what it takes to survive - even if that requires trashing your trash. April was an emotional garbage heap. Trying to sort through this mess has not been easy. What has made it easier is knowing that an entire community of people across the planet is in the same heap. Not the same boat. Don't get in a boat right now. Wait it out. Just be you in your garbage.

Garbage and Namaste both have 7 letters. Coincidence? I think not.

#3: This stinks and it is funny.

Social isolation stinks. Skunks stink. Wednesday was Skunk Day. We watched an incredible video of a Flagstaff, Arizona skunk who got his head stuck in a yogurt container. I use "his" because only a man skunk could do something so idiotic. A woman skunk would have used a spoon. Police officers were called to the scene. The skunk was blindly running in circles in a parking a lot.  Spoiler alert - the yogurt was expired.

Spoiler alert - the police officers freed the skunk and did not get sprayed!

I would have never looked up "skunks" on Youtube before this health crisis. Laughing is not a virus cure, but it is epic medicine.

#4: The best defense is hope.

The final video of our Animal of the Day series was from Planet Earth 2. It was the astonishing footage of a baby iguana against all odds. Separated from family, the iguana knows it is surrounded by snakes. The snakes have horrible vision. Freeze. The best shot at staying alive is to stay still. That is until a serpent gets too close. Run like h***.

As a family we cheered on the iguana. I knew the outcome. My kids and wife did not. You could feel the living room tension. It is only about 30 seconds of survival, but it feels like an eternity. The iguana freezes, fights, and flights. Survives.

I don't know what the outcome of this pandemic will be. I do know that the last six weeks has been a blessing. I've learned from my wife, my daughters, and the animal kingdom. On Graduation Day, we did what we do best. We got real weird.

We went into our basement. We turned off the lights. We got out balloons. We rocked out to Metallica's Enter Sandman. If you thought Animal of the Day School was going to end with a keynote speaker and "happy tears" you need to get your s*** together.

Mic drop.

We start Music May School next week.

Metallica Monday!