Finding Balance

 On the second Wednesday of March our family of four discovered Balance Restaurant. We have been there before, so I guess we rediscovered Balance; however, this was our first trip since this virus thing took over the world. We learned a lot. A Top 10 a lot...

#10: We are not ready. 

Our girls, our precious children, have lost the ability to function in a restaurant. They cannot be blamed. We, thy parents, cannot be blamed. Covid-19, you can be blamed. It is as if cavewomen came out of the cave for the very first time. They take off their masks and the touching and talking is immediate. And my wife and I just start moving objects on the table like it is high speed checkers. Meanwhile, we can only see the eyes of a masked waiter.

There is fear in his eyes. Pure fear. 

#9: Don't put your mouth on that. 

This was the CDC's first recommendation. It is every parent's nightmare demand. It is fruitless and it is said way too many times before fruit ever reaches the table. Thankfully, we had the one and only table near the entrance. Open air onto Main Street allowed our kids to perform street magic. And by street magic I mean they moved away from the table and were being weird on the sidewalk of Main Street. But, at least, they weren't touching anything, except each other and the pavement. 

We beckoned the waiter. 

#8. When life gives you lemons. 

My wife and I love Balance's lemon parm Brussel sprouts. You know you are getting old when sprouts take you to paradise. "Waiter, I've not been in public for quite some time and my children are most likely going to pull the fire alarm, bring me your finest sprouts!"

We made the mistake of allowing our girls to share a lemonade. That was like handing each of them a grenade and saying, "Go have fun."

#7: Sneak attack.

During the first female led trip to the bathroom, I had the table to myself. I pondered life mysteries with my back toward downtown Johnstown. Suddenly, a man blurted out a question related to my hoodie, which he obviously read from his passerby point of view.

I had no idea there was a human being behind me. Buddy, this is no time for a press conference about the origin of my hoodie. 

I almost peed my own pants. 

#6: I Spy.

The game "I Spy" always provides temporary relief. Imagine being in a bunker and bombs are exploding all around you. Now, imagine being in a bunker, bombs are exploding all around you, and your kids have forks. And they are hallucinating on lemonade. All you can do is find something purple and pray. 

#5: Are we getting dessert?

My 6-year-old had the audacity to ask this before we even ate dinner. Her little sister drooled in support of the question. I don't think I even answered the question. I just got up and took my first bathroom break. 

I walked slowly. 

#4: The Limbo

Based off of the geography of our seating, it was natural to do the limbo under the gate separating the sidewalk from the restaurant. I know one of the things I've missed the most during the pandemic has been not being able to limbo. Don't you yearn for the days when two people could hold a stick less than 6 feet apart? Your friends could breathe and laugh all around, over, and under that stick... 

Getting back to normal people, getting back to normal...

#3: Capture the Moment.

At one point, I took a picture of my 3 leading ladies who were seated and zested by lemons. Right as I took the picture, a waiter (not our waiter) walked by in the background. The photo perfectly captures him in the distance. He is masked and looking directly at the camera.

It is the perfect pandemic family photo. 

#2: Check, please.

The best part about saying "check please" is knowing you don't have to do the dishes. I don't care how much this costs or how chaotic this has been, I know I am not washing a single dish. There have been ultra low points during the pandemic including the dreaded dish wash with dry hands. You have washed your hands so much throughout the day, dish washing is physically painful. It has always been emotionally painful, but now it really hurts. Yes, sanitizer has sanitized your hands, but you have lost a layer of skin in the process. 

#1: Together in warm weather. 

It got close to 60 degrees on this March day. It is still winter. We are still in a pandemic. Balance still has great food. We still have each other. 

Support local, Johnstown. Thanks, Balance.