This past Saturday I attended a dance recital as a ferocious father. My oldest daughter was just one girl in a small army of Legacy Performing Arts Center dancers. I was just one Dad taking it all in. Without further ado, my Top 10:
#10: Snacks
There is nothing that calms a Dad's nerves like popcorn and Sour Patch kids. I had anxious Dad energy entering into the recital domain; a fish out of water surrounded by prancing piranhas. My 5-year-old and I strategized to snack hard out of the gates. Who knows, this performance could be as long as The Lord of the Rings. The anticipation was building as we each avoided the Yellow Sour Patch children.
#9: Fellow Dads
Scanning the auditorium, I found comfort in Dad spotting - men who look more suited for the golf course, basketball court, or forest. We were scattered, flanked by family and friends more educated on the art of dance. We have a basic set of skills - clap, keep kids in aisle, escort to bathroom, open snacks, use firm eyes if needed, pick up snacks that land on floor, enforce 5-second-rule, smile and wave, state "No more snacks".
#8: Milk and Cereal
I knew at some point in my life I would be watching a bunch of girls dancing to the lyrical wonder that is "Milk and Cereal". "I don't want my Wheaties, Give em' to the needy"...genius. Unfortunately, the concession stands did not have bowls of cereal for sale. Always next year...
#7: Strawberry Fields
There was a hypnotic nature to this number. Lyrically, no idea what is going on. Dancing, no idea what I was watching. BUT, I liked it. And our family crushes strawberries, not from a field...from Aldi. My wife could write a remix called "Forever Aldi".
#6: Sugar, Sugar
Timely performance after we finished our Sour Patch Kids. Vegetable, Vegetable does not have the same power punch. Parents can all agree that cute little girls dancing to Sugar, Sugar is precious. Parents can also agree that children with too much sugar, sugar is a nightmare.
#5:Intermission
At the halfway point of this countdown, we have intermission. I remember when I saw Les Miserables in New York City. I was in 8th grade and I was flabbergasted when intermission was announced. "We can't have 50% more", I bellowed in puberty hell. I dreamed a dream and this wasn't it. The Legacy intermission - welcoming and gave parents social interaction. Almost in unison, all Dads asked if anyone had to pee.
#4: Blueberry Pie
If you have not figured it out yet, all the music was dedicated to food. This Bette Midler beat features the line, "Blueberry Pie, let's have fun, 'cause when all is said and done, I love you, yes I do..." As a dance recital analyst, I dig deep into lyrics. In 1980 was Better Midler in a relationship with a pie? In 2022, am I taking this Dance Dad thing too far?
I love blueberry pie.
#3: The Gummy Bear Song
I do not love Gummy Bears. This is one of the worst songs in the history of music...BUT those precious little girls! They took a horrendous song about a subpar candy and made a dancing masterpiece!
#2: The Grand Finale
The final performance was awesome. The audience was told it was going to get weird and it was super awesome weird. There were dancing avocados. It rained tacos. There were full grown adults in taco costumes. There was glorious acting and dancing by a cast of characters who deserve a lot of credit. That troop of girls - the whole Legacy crew - put a lot of time, energy, and talent into the show. The final cuisine was delicious.
#1: Green Onions
My 7-year-old's one and only number was Green Onions...AND it was my favorite!. It was my favorite because one day she will read this as a teenager and she will thank me for making her #1. She will appreciate my support for her, no matter what she wants to do with her life. She will realize that I am not an idiot, and making her #1 on this blog was a crafty Dad move.
Thank you, Legacy Performing Arts Center - for the dedication, the memory, and the food cravings.
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