While my parents watched our youngest daughter, I led my wife, my terrific two-year-old, my nine-year-old goddaughter, and her eleven-year-old sister to Sidman. The mission - eat at Morris's Tavern and then make our way to The Ranger for mini-golf and ice cream - two great Johnstown area spots for our goof troop. Here is the breakdown:
- My daughter receives the itinerary. She screams and continues high-pitch support of the adventure into the Subaru. Her mother declares that her volume is too high and the vehicle's driver could be disoriented by the intensity of her vocalization.
- Prior to arrival, our parental expectation is that our daughter will be awestruck by Morris's taxidermy. We shall not explain how the animals were encased inside the restaurant.
- Our daughter is immediately awestruck by a massive, prehistoric gumball machine. She is oblivious to the jungle cat directly behind the gumball machine.
- I enjoy 1-on-1 time with my daughter for an animal tour as the rest of the crew finds refuge for outdoor dining on the patio. During our tour, a boy, approximately seven years old, helps us identify a mammal. He gets out of his high-top seat to talk to us about this badger. We thank him for his badger identification and spirited willingness to stop eating and help his fellow man and that man's daughter.
- There is a snake sitting by the fireplace. It has fangs. My daughter and I touch the fangs.
- My wife takes our daughter on tour #2 shortly after I finish tour #1. The tour is identical except for the guide.
- The snake is still sitting by the fireplace. My wife tells my daughter to never put your hand near a snake.
- I am educated on snake protocol.
- Our table shares a fried green beans appetizer, combining good with grease. My goddaughter separates breading from vegetable due to the heat, creating two appetizers.
- Dinner is excellent and the conversations are everywhere. Our daughter yearns to take tour #3 and revisit the "creepy" buffalo.
- On tour #3 or #4, I touch the buffalo's goatee. My goddaughter views this act as brave and disgusting.
- My wife pays the bill while I manage taxidermy time. We proceed out of the restaurant. Mom and Dad restate that gumballs are not available because we don't have tickets. My goddaughter tells me that you don't need tickets to retrieve a gumball. I politely tell my goddaughter to walk away from the gumball machine.
- Club selection for mini golf is in full force. Seeing my daughter with a club, it is clearly more weaponry than sport.
- There is a practice green for parents to chase their children upon. The eleven-year-old and I watch sister /goddaughter launch a putt off the green, into the grass, and under the fence. It's going to be a long round.
- My daughter loves climbing the rocks. She is officially taken off the scorecard after Hole #1.
- On hole #5, my wife realizes it is an 18-hole course not 9. She's demoralized.
- Before we get halfway through the contest, a sixsome in front of us has a demoralized daughter. She stands in the middle of the fairway, sobbing. I approach the befuddled Dad. We play through.
- We speed up play on the back 9. We are no longer traveling in one pack. My wife and daughter are not even playing golf anymore.
- My daughter comes sprinting toward me with a clear question to ask: "Dad, are you getting sweaty?"
- All the girls pose for a post-round picture. My daughter falls off the bench. No photography needed.
- Ice cream is ordered to-go as darkness has fallen. "Blue goo" is the girls' unanimous flavor. I opt not to treat myself to goo and order a blueberry milkshake.
- On the ride home and inspired by taxidermy, I go to switch lanes and see a deceased deer laying directly on the center line. The Subaru shakes, the girls scream, my heart stops. The Outback grazes a leg. Crisis averted. After everyone gains their composure, my daughter calmly asks, "Why was that deer in the middle of the road?"
- I drop off all the women. Wife and daughter at home. Sisters at their humble abode. I go pick up my slobbery second child at my parents'. She appears excited to see me evident by slobber production.
- The children are put to bed. I don't really remember how or at what time. My wife and I do not make time to summarize the night's event. We are too tired and I write a blog.
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