Dad Movie Review: Malorie vs. Mary Poppins

I ended 2018 by watching two movies with a bombardment of interruptions, distractions, and fatigue. This is how I have watched almost every movie since becoming a father. Alas, here is my jumbled review of Netflix's Bird Box versus Disney's Mary Poppins Returns. 

Both of these films are new releases with established female stars. In this corner, we have Malorie, Sandra Bullock. I've watched her on a speeding bus, in outer space, and now, in apocalyptic terror. In this corner, we have Ms. Poppins, Emily Blunt. I've watched her try to take down the Mexican drug cartel, survive in silence as murderous creatures wander the Earth, and now, in a world of wonderment. 

Both films offer atmospheric phenonema. Malorie can't trust her eyes as sight becomes deadly. Children can't believe their eyes when Mary Poppins floats down from the sky with an umbrella. My children could not keep their eyes open for either film. For Bird Box, they simply were not allowed to view. For Mary Poppins Returns, they entered a world of snooze.

I finished both movies with my youngest daughter in my grasp. Bird Box took multiple viewings stretched over multiple days. In the end, I held her tight as the world looked as if it were coming to an end. For Mary Poppins Returns, I found myself dancing in the dark in the back of Westwood Plaza Theatre. She went from dance to drool as we bobbed around like there was no tomorrow. 

Both films are around 2 hours. Neither needed to be that long. As Malorie was desperately trying to live and Mary was lost in enchantment, I was trying to stay awake, while clinging to my child, and getting sweaty in the process. 

Water plays a big role in both films. Ms. Poppins turns bathtime into an aquatic adventure. Malorie heads toward raging rapids, but there is no singing. Some good old-fashioned yelling and screaming, but no singing. In our house, there is a daily mix of singing, yelling, and screaming.In fact, that's a guarantee. Spend a day with us and you get a musical, a drama, and horror show. 

My wife played a big role in both screenings. She was not featured in either film, however; she gave me time and consideration to watch Bird Box. For Mary Poppins Returns, her children fought over her like raging lunatics. That's when Dad had to swoop in and take the youngest to the back of the theatre. I did not want to upset any of the other theatre goers. "Excuse me sir, your wife is being mauled by your children, would you please save her."  

And finally, motherhood is critical to both plots. Malorie's identity shapes as the world falls apart; critical decisions must be made to protect her kids. Mary Poppins swoops in to help a family who misses Mom yet her spirit lives on. When in doubt, thank Moms. They are magical and make the world go round. 

 Cheers to more movies and mayhem in 2019. Survival of the fittest. 

Editor Note: We have too many umbrellas and none of them allow me to fly.