Each and every February, I loathe February. The 2021 February is the harshest of my existence. It is pandemic. It is frigid and it is icy. Despite being the shortest of thy months, it has persisted. Thus, the Top 10 to laugh off the calendar year's most miserable mother...
#10: Freezing Yard Signs
No matter your political view, I no longer need to view your yard sign. It is collapsing. It is adorned with icicles. It's only representation at this point is laziness. Take it down. Free the soil from the entrapment of politics. 2024 will come soon enough. God help us all.
#9: Mask Fails
I've dropped my mask in muck this month. I've left it for dead in the snow. I've lost it and realized it was hanging on my right ear. I've sworn at it in a parking lot. My wife has yelled from the stoop, "Do you have your mask?" And I've turned back in silence, yet forever thinking, "God help us all".
#8: Senior Sid
In one of the year's most social events, I watched a Pittsburgh Penguins game with my father at his humble abode. It was Sidney Crosby's 1000th game as a professional ice hockey player. He skated, maskless, to his girlfriend, masked, during the pre-game ceremony. He smiled bigged. She masked big. They watched a montage of his glory. He was teary eyed .She was eyed. Then, he skated to his masked teammates. He, maskless, took a photograph of his legacy with his masked family. Then, everyone, took their masks off, breathed all over each other, broke six feet of distance, and gave my father and I an escape from the world.
#7: Mars Landing
When I heard we landed on Mars, I asked the following questions:
1) Why?
2) Do extraterrestrials have antibodies?
3) Do Martians wear masks?
#6: Girl Scout Zoom
My 6-year-old initiated her scouting career just how I imagined: she was on Zoom while I was eating a hamburger. While she repeated the pledge, I repeated French fries to my face. My 3-year-old demanded that I wrestle post-hamburger as this initiation was dull. I obliged like a good Girl Dad. Just deliver the Samoas and let's be done with it.
#5: Oh Tree
We never took down our Christmas tree. My 6-year-old asked why we don't get a real tree for Christmas. My response was because we now have the luxury of never taking down our tree. It was a lover's conifer in February. It will be a Saint Patrick's day beacon in March. It will be a pow-wow-wow pastel in April.
Our evergreen shall be ever green.
#4: Frosty Diet
During a recent outdoor adventure, two Dads and four daughters built a snowman. I was one of the Dads. All the daughters did minimal work. Due to the rigors, our snowman was more pencil, less plump. The final product looked like a Peleton snowman. We took a picture looking directly into the sun. Dads had sunglasses. The daughters looked like children demanded to take a picture under a blinding sun.
#3: Friday Night Lights
On most February Fridays, my parents visited to share a meal and memories. We discuss pre-pandemic times and a maskless future. We sometimes played games. We never talked about Mars because we live on Earth. We have questioned whether Pluto is a planet. I then questioned why do we even worry about whether Pluto is a planet. It absolutely is a dog. God help us all.
#2: Basement Bomb
In March 2020, we hosted a birthday party for our Saint Patty's day daughter. It was the last true green celebration we had in our home. Since then...oh dear. It looks like a hurricane ripped through a flea market. It looks like a nervous breakdown. It is 2020-2021. There are still pictures hanging from our daughter's 3rd birthday party.
We decided to celebrate her 4th birthday at Ryan's Artisan Goods. One, because we love that place. Two, because we need to get out or her 5th birthday party is going to be on the street.
#1: Every Morning
One of my favorite quotes comes from the late great Henry David Thoreau: "Every morning was a cheerful invitation". That simple declaration speaks to my head and heart. I welcome the warmth of March; the promise of Spring; the splendor of sunshine.
No matter the road ahead, there is a road. I am grateful to travel with my loving wife and two dynamite daughters.
We explode out of this month into the next.
Love and laugh, Johnstown.
Goodnight and goodbye February.
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