Turkey Top 10

Thanksgiving is not a day, it's a season. Tis the Top 10 of Turkey Time:

10. Party like a Pilgrim

Our Thanksgiving began on Tuesday when we had turkey dinner at my 3-year-old's school. Geneva House was our Plymouth Rock. The children sang a song and everyone was filled with joy. Then, we filled our tummies. Then, the children ran around the room like turkeys with their heads cut off.

I imagine the first Thanksgiving was much like this scene. Young pilgrims, hopped up on the first feast, started throwing acorns at each other. The parents did little to calm their young pilgrims as they were busy eating pumpkin roll.

At one point, I looked inside my daughter's headgear, that of a Native American, and I read the words, "Love, Brian". She had left it on our Thanksgiving table. Astonished, I approached the educators. Who is this Brian? Allegedly, the 4-year-olds assisted in the fashioning of the head pieces, gifting them to the 3-year-olds. Well, well, well...

"Watch your pilgrim hands, Brian. Watch em." 

9. Thanksgiving Eve

We had a small gathering at our house in preparation for Thursday. Thanksgiving artwork completed by yours truly and my 3-year-old was on display. It was an autumn art gallery for the ages and for all ages.

8. Squirrel Chase

On Thanksgiving morning, our tribe visited my aunt and uncle. At one point, my uncle exited his home with no announcement. Then, we saw him sprinting into the street. His mission - scare the squirrels away from the bird feeder. In the civilized world, you are allowed to protect your bird feed from squirrel scoundrels; however, if you are simply chasing squirrels, that's psychotic. The bird feeder keeps you out of the asylum. "Oh dear, Ed's in our yard chasing squirrels...Oh wait, he has a bird feeder, that makes sense."

7. Shout for Sprouts

I know I'm getting older when I have to put brussel sprouts in my Top 10 list. The usual vegetable suspects were present at Thanksgiving dinner, but a brussel sprout dish stole the holiday. My wife's cousin made a sprout spectacular. I don't usual swear in blogs, but those were damn good sprouts.

6. Deer Chase

On Thanksgiving evening, my wife and I were leaving the house and 5 doe were in our neighbor's yard. I instinctly decided to chase them out and drive them up the hill. My mission was to push them toward Stackhouse Park and make my wife laugh watching such antics. I fired off the porch and the startled deer stormed the street. The last of the Mohicans hit a patch of ice and baseball slid into the curb. In this moment, I froze in horror. Standing like a deer in headlights, I was mortified. This doe, probably a mother, painfully ate curb. My wife immediately announced "broken ribs" as if she practiced veterninary medicine. The deer stumbled to her hooves and embarrsingly darted up the hillside. I had to ponder whether my stunt was worth it or if the deer would die of internal bleeding. Alas, I did my job. Deer got up the hill. My wife got a good laugh - not from my sprint, but from how mortified I stood in the middle of the street.

Moral of the story, I would be a terrible hunter.

5. Chimp Chase

Later than night, my father-in-law and I watched a nature documentary about chimpanzees. At the same time in the same house, my daughters ripped off their shirts and made primal noises. It was a documentary within a documentary.

 4. Oh Christmas Tree

The Friday after Thanksgiving is reserved for putting up the Christmas tree. My 3-year-old loves it. My wife loves that she loves it. I'm fine with leading the exercise. Who really knows what my 1-year-old loves. I think she thinks its fine. The best exchange this year:

Daughter: "Dad, here is the cucumber"

Dad: "That's a pickle"

Daughter: "No, it's a cucumber"

Every year we put a cucumber ornament on the Christmas tree.

3. Oh High School

I attended my wife's 15 year high school reunion on Friday night. I played the role of supportive husband and enemy - this was a Bishop McCort reunion and I had a Westmont Hilltop diploma. I was immediately judged.  "Haha, Westy pride and power", Crushers said in unision. A couple of kids even tried to kick me, but I'm elusive.

None of that really happened. It was a good time. I'm so glad high school is over.

2. Rise and Fall

At 7:15 AM on Saturday, 8 men played basketball. You know you are getting older when you schedule to play basketball at 7:15 AM on a Saturday. Years ago, this would have been a preposterous concept for this group of athletes. But in 2018, it was perfect.  After the game, we all ate brussel sprouts.

When I got home around 9 AM, I slipped on the ice and fell Looney Tunes style on the sidewalk. This completed the soreness process.

1. The Big Finish

After basketball and my elbow drop on the ice, we invited over a bunch of friends. All of them were parents. All of them brought their children. Inside our house, there were 12 children between the ages of 3 months and 5 years old. The best way to describe it is think Squirrel Chase meets Deer Chase meets Chimp Chase and all the parents are drinking coffee.

Thanksgiving is not a day, it's a season.

And, that's not a cucumber, it's a pickle!